Happy Veterans Day! God Bless you and Thank you.
Image is of my favorite painting by Thomas Kinkade.. named Homecoming.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Happy Veterans Day!
To Our Heroes:
Happy Veterans Day! God Bless you and Thank you.
Image is of my favorite painting by Thomas Kinkade.. named Homecoming.
Happy Veterans Day! God Bless you and Thank you.
Image is of my favorite painting by Thomas Kinkade.. named Homecoming.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Chain Fairy Tale Assignment, Russia
As a warm-up game in a couple of my classes, I played "Chain Fairytale" This is one of my favorite games, as the end result is a quite entertaining story! The object of the game is to start out the first sentance, typically Once Upon A Time.. then pass the paper around the classroom and each student has to add a sentance to the story!
These are the two stories my classes created! This assignment I think is my favorite! hehe.. but then again I am easily amused... :-)
Once Upon A Time. There was a very-very old woman. This woman was a witch. She lived in a forest. She enjoyed to eat fresh frogs every morning. The witch had three daughters. The oldest daughter was very pretty. But she wasn't married and her mother decided to find a husband for her. Her husband had a big house in another forest. She has lived many years because she was a very good healthy because she liked to ride a bike every morning. That is why they decided to start their own business. But there were a lot of problems because a crime level was high. But they decided to do it in any case because life is given only one time. She opened a supermarket. And she became the richest women in the forest. But she was still expecting her sweetheart... The End!
Once Upon A Time. One black vampire lived in his dark and big castle. He wanted to find the boy or girl and to kiss and bite the neck. They afraid and ran to home. But the vampire followed them to their house. And then he found a bottle of holy water, drank it and died. But he has a child wgo like blood very much too and he started to revenge people for his father. He goes to his father's grave. The End!
These are the two stories my classes created! This assignment I think is my favorite! hehe.. but then again I am easily amused... :-)
Once Upon A Time. There was a very-very old woman. This woman was a witch. She lived in a forest. She enjoyed to eat fresh frogs every morning. The witch had three daughters. The oldest daughter was very pretty. But she wasn't married and her mother decided to find a husband for her. Her husband had a big house in another forest. She has lived many years because she was a very good healthy because she liked to ride a bike every morning. That is why they decided to start their own business. But there were a lot of problems because a crime level was high. But they decided to do it in any case because life is given only one time. She opened a supermarket. And she became the richest women in the forest. But she was still expecting her sweetheart... The End!
Once Upon A Time. One black vampire lived in his dark and big castle. He wanted to find the boy or girl and to kiss and bite the neck. They afraid and ran to home. But the vampire followed them to their house. And then he found a bottle of holy water, drank it and died. But he has a child wgo like blood very much too and he started to revenge people for his father. He goes to his father's grave. The End!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Memoirs Of Dating
For some reason I attract the most eclectic groups of people I’ve ever seen. I don’t know what it is about me; or why, but I have seen the most random individuals come and pass in my lifetime. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years… I think he was the undefined shield of normality or stability in my social networks. Of course I still attracted eccentric characters from time to time; but none of them really stuck, as I was quite content and genuinely happy by the perfect balance of insanity in my life already. But sometimes when life gives you lemons, you gotta just make lemonade!
There’s a time when you have to move onto bigger and better things like new-age online dating, movie nights in the bedroom and meeting completely ridiculous lemons that you never dreamt of meeting, that aren’t even your type but for some reason you gave them a chance anyways. Sometimes when all else fails, you can keep a journal of all the bitter lemons you encounter along the way.
The time came for me to branch out and diversify; and pursue the quest of finding a new boyfriend! I am quite inexperienced with the dating scene, but as potential suitors pass into my life; I become more terrified of what frightful chap a new day will summon my way. You are probably wondering when I’ll get to the point; but I just wanted to establish a clear thesis to the abnormal relationships I have seen thus far. These relationships are so bizarre that I have been asked by numerous individuals to write of my experiences.
It all started several months ago when Tar- face entered my cozy Wells Fargo office.
Tar Face:
First glance he was a typical fellow, reminded me of the ginger kid from South Park with his fiery locks reflecting from the florescent lights. He was a decent stranger; sole-proprietor if you would, had his own construction business that I felt somewhat involved in as the personal banker of his new account. I must give the young man credit for providing a sufficient gentlemanly effort; by taking me out to nice restaurants and wine bars downtown.
We shared some decent conversations, however as time went by I started noticing a particular stench about him. I thought perhaps it was a new deodorant or cologne.. or maybe he hadn’t washed from playing in the dirt that day. However this musky scent began to overtake any sexual chemistry we might have had. There wasn’t a single moment when I wouldn’t notice it permeating from his clothes, from his breath… the scent was always there at the back of my mind, like an unwelcome house- guest, or a lingering visitor that just entered my life without explanation.
I began to think it was my mind playing games, laughing at me as it checkmated my every positive instinct for this decent new friend. In addition to his stench he showed me the house where he was renting a room; it had a stripper pole in the middle of the living room, I don’t think there is much else about that.
He also introduced me to some of his construction associates, playing guitar hero in a run down apartment in Roseville. The apartment reeked of dog, well there was a dog; a pug to be more specific, that was just as disgusting as the trashy apartment. Its nine inch witch nails, and how it snorted through its train wrecked face is all I could bring myself to remember.
But back to the rancid odor of our infamous Chucky from Rugrats After a couple more excursions with him, my friends and I hypothesized that he chewed tobacco. I’ll never forget him growling at Kaileigh’s miniature daschound with his embarrassing mouthful of rotten air; and his stinky toes propped up on Kaileigh’s coffee table, or his falling asleep during the movie Borat. But above all I will never forget his tobacco stained teeth, and chew breath. Long live tar-face! I succeeded in stepping away from this relationship before things got intimate.
Portraits of Tar-Face:
Mormon Air-Force Get.
Next up on the dating game was a mormon kid from beale air force base. His first impression was rather ok, taking me out to PF Changs in Roseville. Yet he seemed like a natural couch potato, the first of many, I’ll begin meeting.
However conversations with him were rather dull, and went downhill from there. I think the only subject we particularly clicked on was his Mormon mission in Croatia, however that happy occasion soon ended when he wanted to attend church with me; his speaking Croatian at a Serbian church would fuel some political warfare; an uncomfortable situation that is avoidable.
I thought he was fat, but my friends comforted me saying he was just big; mr. big. Some 6’3 or something. My roommate thought he looked like the jolly green giant, aside from being green. He was a pretty talented guitar player, and from what I heard he really liked playing volleyball at the base as well. But he was shy; and I’m shy, and that’s a really conflicting social pair. I felt like I had to be the master conversationalist, and I felt like I had to take four shots of vodka before going on our way.
Furthermore, he told me one day that it was awkward to always have all my friends around on every date. My best friend told me to say that if dates consist of watching movies in my bedroom than ofcourse my roommate would always be around, since I don’t own a sofa. But little did I know, his desires for movie nights should have been far less of my concerns. I don't have too much else funny to say about the jolly giant, he was jolly but not too funny, so I'll continue to my next date.
Portraits of Airforce Get:
WiFi Stealing Nerd:
Next up is a young man that I probably met at the wrong place; on a free online dating website. I thought I'd give him a chance, as he seemed intelligent enough; studying mechanical engineering at Sac State. Our first date involved free tickets he recieved for the premier showing of Angels and Demons. I was sort of annoyed when I asked for his sweater and he told me oh no thanks you don't have to! Like what did he mean by that? But then he thought I was offering to buy him food at our free movie date.
Later he explained to me about where he worked; my eyes began to glaze over as he explained to me the conditions of his job, measuring the length of bluetooth signals from one reflector on the freeway to the next to figure out how much time it would take to travel the distance from area a to b. He said he figures out a lot of useful information including how fast the automobile is travelling. I enjoyed his sparky edge so I gave him another chance.
Our next event was to meet for lunch somewhere in midtown sacramento. We had planned to meet at Naked Lounge, however he told me to meet in his car instead, in front of the coffee house. This confused a little, and I was even more confused when I sat down in his car and he had his laptop out, stealing wi-fi so he wouldn't have to buy coffee! I was overwhelmed by his petiful cheapness, but was even more outraged that he was researching the cheapest resteraunts in the area. On a range between one money sign, and five; he was performing resteraunt searches with one money sign. After about twenty minutes of him contemplating the cheapest place to eat, deciding between one cheap place versus another, I finally thought I was about to explode and made a decision. I told him we were going to go to Cafe Bernardo's right across the street, and that was that. He said he'd never been there before, and before he made the effort to research the reviews I hopped out of the car to continue on our way. After this you'd think I would have given up all hope. But that's my problem, I never give up hope. I relayed some of my frustrations to my best friend. And she told me to give him another chance, and like I do, I gave him another chance. I explained to him that I am not high maintenance however that's probably what not to do on a date. And he told me that he didn't have dating experience, and appreciated the honesty. So like the fool that I am, I convinced myself that the next date would be better. And there it was I went on another date.
Again he was as indecisive as ever. We were going to meet his friends for trivia night in Davis.. and he said he wanted to hang out prior, but for the life of it couldn't plan a single idea. So there I was, telling him we were going to walk around Davis, to look at the sights and sounds or something like that. We made our way to UC Davis, and there we discovered a club booth for Serbian Dancing. I explained to him how I had serbian folk danced throughout highschool. And then he asked me if Serbians were like Russians; because the only Russian he'd ever heard of was in a South Park episode. Like serioussly? Sacramento is growing into one of the leading cities for the Russian population. Does he really live inside a computer screen?
What was more amusing to me was his habit of quoting movies and incorporating them into his daily conversations, and failing to site which movie his quote was taken from. Hi how are you? "Welcome to the future!" (X-men). This is just an example of how his dialogues went. And then I would just stare blankly at him, confused by what I just heard, thinking my mind was just making me hear imaginary words out of context. But then I noticed he did this same thing to an innocent serbian girl as well, I noticed the confused, lost expression on her face and how she made eye contact with me to rescue her from this awkward situation. And all I could say was I had no idea, what he meant or what movie he was talking about! The worst was when he would tell me what movie it was and I had never even heard of the title!
Well finally after the awkward conversations at UC Davis we made it over to trivia night. I noticed some young college kids with liter mugs of beer, and I insisted that I needed one of those! And from that moment it was me, my liter of cider and nothing else. Until it was refill time ofcourse. And that was that...
Moral of the story: If you have a wireless network, beware of cheap wanderers who might roll up to your front yard and steal your internet. If you look out the window and see a vw rabbit, unplug your internet at once. From time to time this Wifi-Stealing Nerd calls upon me, inviting me to an occasional upcoming trivia night.. I just don't understand how mentioning that I enjoyed trivia nights, at once became interpreted as my sole interest in life, my one and only ambition..
Portraits of Wifi-Stealing-Nerd
Suitcase Stealer:
Long time has past since the writing of my previous blog, however before my memory darkens I must remember the suitcase stealer. On an ordinary day, with nothing particularily eventful happening.. I just slept in and had a day off from the bank. I decided to venture down to the Salvation Army store in The Heights, CA in search of a vintage suitcase for an upcoming photoshoot. I enjoy the Salvation Army because to me it is a world of mysteries, random neglected treasures from past decades.
As I was wandering the isles, I noticed I had an onlooker watching my shadows. He was on the opposite end of the store when he caught my glance and before I knew it he was near my area. I started to uncomfortably play with my cell phone as I searched through the clutter of suitcases. I found a perfect little teal one and casually walked in his direction. He was a giant, he reminded me of shrek actually... with his pointy ears. He caught me before I past him and mentioned that he also had a blackberry. Before I knew it he had told me to take a seat next to him on a lumpy old couch that was in desperate need of some upholstery. And there we were two strangers, having a casual chat on an old sofa at the Salvation Army.
He asked me if I had anything else I needed from the store, because he was in search of a used tool. So there we were walking side by side and he was romantically caring my suitcase around the store. He also picked up a random cane from the shelf and was walking with it as well. Soon our thrift store conversation turned to churches we have attended. He was a strong russian boy, not mr. big like my previous date, but shrek. Somehow our conversation led to the Serbian Orthodox church, the church I attend, and I quickly learned that he had dated on of my best friends at the church. That was an awkward fact and a small world might I add. He told me to vow to never say that I met him at the Salvation Army; and I do keep that vow and will not disclose his name.
After our outing to the thrift store he invited me to Subway to split a one foot sub with him. He said he wanted to see me later and I invited him to swim in our apartment pool. He walked me to my car and picked me up and twirled me around. Did I mention he was a giant? He must've been some six or ten foot something.
Well later he did arrive to swim in our pool, and as always I invited my roomate because I was terrified by these strange strangers I meet. However unfortunately the apartment mexican families had claimed the pool first so he offered to take us to another pool at a different complex. Ofcourse he didn't live there, but he said he used to know someone who lived there and it would be fine. That was lovely because when we arrived at the pool the property manager sitting next to us in the hot tub didn't seem to appreciate the intruders... That cut our swimming excursion short so Shrek mentioned that we should watch a movie at my apartment. Well this didn't surprise me because movie nights with boys in my apartment was becoming quite common.
He said he needed a pizza, so we went to Walmart and I loaded one in the cart. Then he laughed and said he eats an entire pizza on his own and that we best get two. Shrek would call my roomate and I softys and tell us to do push-ups on the floor..
I also felt like I was being sexually violated everytime he came over. He didn't seem to take no for an answer. However, I'd tell him no anyways and tell my roommate to phone the police if she were to hear a scream from my bedroom.
This boy had a useless phone, I could never call it, never text it because he never had minutes on his metro pcs plan. One day he called to alert me that he had added five dollars to his account... Yet for some reason I'd still see this cheap ass.
One time when he was particularily hungry he brought a pizza to my apartment... and wanted another movie night. But I told him I wanted him to take me to the bridge in Folsom he had mentioned. So he agreed and hesitantly he took me there. I loved the bridge! We made paper airplanes and threw them off the bridge.. well it was exciting to me. We also watched some teenagers throw a tire off the bridge.. I thought it was horribly dangerous; however I still watched because my curiousity had the best of me. I
tried to look past his cheapness, because I was coming to accept every boy in the world is just as cheap as the next. I focused my attention on his sexy Russian accent and well built body. However one day he told me he was going on a trip to visit one of his family members in Washington who was getting married. He asked to borrow a suitcase.. since fortunately for him I had a little collection growing..Trying to ignore his odd request I did lend him a suitcase, not the thrift store ones; since at this time I had two vintage ones because I was preparing to go on a vacation with my roommate to Santa Cruz. We wanted to have matching suitcases.. so instead I gave him a non-thrift store suitcase that I had intended to use on my future trip to Russia. I didn't think much of it since he was going to be returning in about three days. So he packed up his things and off he went to Washington!
I didn't hear anything from him for some time.. and one afternoon while I was taking some pictures with my roommate on the coast of Santa Cruz I recieved a call.. I answered the phone and to my surprise it was Shrek! He was calling to tell me he wouldn't be returning for some time... probably not for the entire summer! The first thing that came to mind was that he had run away and stole my suitcase! Frustrated I said ok and hung up the phone.
By the time he returned, surprisingly a few weeks later I was already seeing someone new, and was spending the day cleaning the apartment.. and at once I heard a knock at the door! Without any calls or anything suitcase stealer was at my doorstep with my suitcase and a box of chocolate.
Ofcourse I appreciated the sweet gesture, but I didn't appreciate that he showed up uninvited and wanting to violate me once again. He asked me if I had any plans for the day, really I didn't but never the less I told him I was going to do errands. And that was that, the last I heard of Suitcase stealer. Well until I saw him randomly at the gas station and ducked so that he would not see me....
Photographs of the Suitcase Stealer:
Tat Dude:
Next playing the dating game came Tat dude. I decided one night to get my belly button pierced, and drove around the Heights and Sacramento aimlessly in search of a Tatoo parlor that would right away pierce with a rhinestone rather than just a bar. I finally found one in Citrus Heights and as I nervoussly walked into the parlor I passed a boy smoking outside the building. We exchanged a couple words and then I continued into the parlor to get things done.
About ten minutes or so later I again walked past him on the way back to my car. He asked me if it was my first time getting a belly button piercing and if I had any tatoos. We exchanged some bad conversation, as he described his tats and said he was waiting for his friend who was getting one done as we spoke. He mentioned he liked my Audi and also mentioned that he didn't have a car or a job... then he asked for my number...
I thought what did I have to loose.. if anything he could add an interesting perspective to my dating experiences. He had a nice smile and a nice body.. perhaps it'd be fun for once to date a bad boy. He wrote my number on his hand.. however, at this point I didn't realize it was because he didn't have a phone either..
A couple days later he arranged to visit my apartment for another movie night.. and ofcourse I wasn't expecting him to be a couple hours late for our movie date. I noticed he would always call me from various phone numbers so I really hadn't a clue what number I should call back at. So I waited.. while at the same time making jokes with my roommate about this new reject.
Finally when he showed up he had acted like he wasn't even late. We watched a movie which was interrupted every fifteen minutes or so for his smoking breaks. He also had mentioned to me he had been to jail for some crime or another involving drug dealing. He mentioned he didn't like to go clubbing downtown because he had been thrown of them.. and finally he mentioned he didn't have a phone because his probation officer wouldn't let him have one...
Photographs of Tat Dude:
All in all I think I have had my share of ridiculous lemons. But perhaps these lemons are just a test to in the future discover the least bitter lemon.
I think when all else fails, when your relationships seem like a bitter lemon factory.. when it seems like all the lemons in the world are just conspiring against you.. you can find laughter to get you through the journey. That's what I tried to do.. and after tossing one lousy lemon after the next.. I found a lemon that seems almost tart.. His name is Fish....
There’s a time when you have to move onto bigger and better things like new-age online dating, movie nights in the bedroom and meeting completely ridiculous lemons that you never dreamt of meeting, that aren’t even your type but for some reason you gave them a chance anyways. Sometimes when all else fails, you can keep a journal of all the bitter lemons you encounter along the way.
The time came for me to branch out and diversify; and pursue the quest of finding a new boyfriend! I am quite inexperienced with the dating scene, but as potential suitors pass into my life; I become more terrified of what frightful chap a new day will summon my way. You are probably wondering when I’ll get to the point; but I just wanted to establish a clear thesis to the abnormal relationships I have seen thus far. These relationships are so bizarre that I have been asked by numerous individuals to write of my experiences.
It all started several months ago when Tar- face entered my cozy Wells Fargo office.
Tar Face:
First glance he was a typical fellow, reminded me of the ginger kid from South Park with his fiery locks reflecting from the florescent lights. He was a decent stranger; sole-proprietor if you would, had his own construction business that I felt somewhat involved in as the personal banker of his new account. I must give the young man credit for providing a sufficient gentlemanly effort; by taking me out to nice restaurants and wine bars downtown.
We shared some decent conversations, however as time went by I started noticing a particular stench about him. I thought perhaps it was a new deodorant or cologne.. or maybe he hadn’t washed from playing in the dirt that day. However this musky scent began to overtake any sexual chemistry we might have had. There wasn’t a single moment when I wouldn’t notice it permeating from his clothes, from his breath… the scent was always there at the back of my mind, like an unwelcome house- guest, or a lingering visitor that just entered my life without explanation.
I began to think it was my mind playing games, laughing at me as it checkmated my every positive instinct for this decent new friend. In addition to his stench he showed me the house where he was renting a room; it had a stripper pole in the middle of the living room, I don’t think there is much else about that.
He also introduced me to some of his construction associates, playing guitar hero in a run down apartment in Roseville. The apartment reeked of dog, well there was a dog; a pug to be more specific, that was just as disgusting as the trashy apartment. Its nine inch witch nails, and how it snorted through its train wrecked face is all I could bring myself to remember.
But back to the rancid odor of our infamous Chucky from Rugrats After a couple more excursions with him, my friends and I hypothesized that he chewed tobacco. I’ll never forget him growling at Kaileigh’s miniature daschound with his embarrassing mouthful of rotten air; and his stinky toes propped up on Kaileigh’s coffee table, or his falling asleep during the movie Borat. But above all I will never forget his tobacco stained teeth, and chew breath. Long live tar-face! I succeeded in stepping away from this relationship before things got intimate.
Portraits of Tar-Face:
Mormon Air-Force Get.
Next up on the dating game was a mormon kid from beale air force base. His first impression was rather ok, taking me out to PF Changs in Roseville. Yet he seemed like a natural couch potato, the first of many, I’ll begin meeting.
However conversations with him were rather dull, and went downhill from there. I think the only subject we particularly clicked on was his Mormon mission in Croatia, however that happy occasion soon ended when he wanted to attend church with me; his speaking Croatian at a Serbian church would fuel some political warfare; an uncomfortable situation that is avoidable.
I thought he was fat, but my friends comforted me saying he was just big; mr. big. Some 6’3 or something. My roommate thought he looked like the jolly green giant, aside from being green. He was a pretty talented guitar player, and from what I heard he really liked playing volleyball at the base as well. But he was shy; and I’m shy, and that’s a really conflicting social pair. I felt like I had to be the master conversationalist, and I felt like I had to take four shots of vodka before going on our way.
Furthermore, he told me one day that it was awkward to always have all my friends around on every date. My best friend told me to say that if dates consist of watching movies in my bedroom than ofcourse my roommate would always be around, since I don’t own a sofa. But little did I know, his desires for movie nights should have been far less of my concerns. I don't have too much else funny to say about the jolly giant, he was jolly but not too funny, so I'll continue to my next date.
Portraits of Airforce Get:
WiFi Stealing Nerd:
Next up is a young man that I probably met at the wrong place; on a free online dating website. I thought I'd give him a chance, as he seemed intelligent enough; studying mechanical engineering at Sac State. Our first date involved free tickets he recieved for the premier showing of Angels and Demons. I was sort of annoyed when I asked for his sweater and he told me oh no thanks you don't have to! Like what did he mean by that? But then he thought I was offering to buy him food at our free movie date.
Later he explained to me about where he worked; my eyes began to glaze over as he explained to me the conditions of his job, measuring the length of bluetooth signals from one reflector on the freeway to the next to figure out how much time it would take to travel the distance from area a to b. He said he figures out a lot of useful information including how fast the automobile is travelling. I enjoyed his sparky edge so I gave him another chance.
Our next event was to meet for lunch somewhere in midtown sacramento. We had planned to meet at Naked Lounge, however he told me to meet in his car instead, in front of the coffee house. This confused a little, and I was even more confused when I sat down in his car and he had his laptop out, stealing wi-fi so he wouldn't have to buy coffee! I was overwhelmed by his petiful cheapness, but was even more outraged that he was researching the cheapest resteraunts in the area. On a range between one money sign, and five; he was performing resteraunt searches with one money sign. After about twenty minutes of him contemplating the cheapest place to eat, deciding between one cheap place versus another, I finally thought I was about to explode and made a decision. I told him we were going to go to Cafe Bernardo's right across the street, and that was that. He said he'd never been there before, and before he made the effort to research the reviews I hopped out of the car to continue on our way. After this you'd think I would have given up all hope. But that's my problem, I never give up hope. I relayed some of my frustrations to my best friend. And she told me to give him another chance, and like I do, I gave him another chance. I explained to him that I am not high maintenance however that's probably what not to do on a date. And he told me that he didn't have dating experience, and appreciated the honesty. So like the fool that I am, I convinced myself that the next date would be better. And there it was I went on another date.
Again he was as indecisive as ever. We were going to meet his friends for trivia night in Davis.. and he said he wanted to hang out prior, but for the life of it couldn't plan a single idea. So there I was, telling him we were going to walk around Davis, to look at the sights and sounds or something like that. We made our way to UC Davis, and there we discovered a club booth for Serbian Dancing. I explained to him how I had serbian folk danced throughout highschool. And then he asked me if Serbians were like Russians; because the only Russian he'd ever heard of was in a South Park episode. Like serioussly? Sacramento is growing into one of the leading cities for the Russian population. Does he really live inside a computer screen?
What was more amusing to me was his habit of quoting movies and incorporating them into his daily conversations, and failing to site which movie his quote was taken from. Hi how are you? "Welcome to the future!" (X-men). This is just an example of how his dialogues went. And then I would just stare blankly at him, confused by what I just heard, thinking my mind was just making me hear imaginary words out of context. But then I noticed he did this same thing to an innocent serbian girl as well, I noticed the confused, lost expression on her face and how she made eye contact with me to rescue her from this awkward situation. And all I could say was I had no idea, what he meant or what movie he was talking about! The worst was when he would tell me what movie it was and I had never even heard of the title!
Well finally after the awkward conversations at UC Davis we made it over to trivia night. I noticed some young college kids with liter mugs of beer, and I insisted that I needed one of those! And from that moment it was me, my liter of cider and nothing else. Until it was refill time ofcourse. And that was that...
Moral of the story: If you have a wireless network, beware of cheap wanderers who might roll up to your front yard and steal your internet. If you look out the window and see a vw rabbit, unplug your internet at once. From time to time this Wifi-Stealing Nerd calls upon me, inviting me to an occasional upcoming trivia night.. I just don't understand how mentioning that I enjoyed trivia nights, at once became interpreted as my sole interest in life, my one and only ambition..
Portraits of Wifi-Stealing-Nerd
Suitcase Stealer:
Long time has past since the writing of my previous blog, however before my memory darkens I must remember the suitcase stealer. On an ordinary day, with nothing particularily eventful happening.. I just slept in and had a day off from the bank. I decided to venture down to the Salvation Army store in The Heights, CA in search of a vintage suitcase for an upcoming photoshoot. I enjoy the Salvation Army because to me it is a world of mysteries, random neglected treasures from past decades.
As I was wandering the isles, I noticed I had an onlooker watching my shadows. He was on the opposite end of the store when he caught my glance and before I knew it he was near my area. I started to uncomfortably play with my cell phone as I searched through the clutter of suitcases. I found a perfect little teal one and casually walked in his direction. He was a giant, he reminded me of shrek actually... with his pointy ears. He caught me before I past him and mentioned that he also had a blackberry. Before I knew it he had told me to take a seat next to him on a lumpy old couch that was in desperate need of some upholstery. And there we were two strangers, having a casual chat on an old sofa at the Salvation Army.
He asked me if I had anything else I needed from the store, because he was in search of a used tool. So there we were walking side by side and he was romantically caring my suitcase around the store. He also picked up a random cane from the shelf and was walking with it as well. Soon our thrift store conversation turned to churches we have attended. He was a strong russian boy, not mr. big like my previous date, but shrek. Somehow our conversation led to the Serbian Orthodox church, the church I attend, and I quickly learned that he had dated on of my best friends at the church. That was an awkward fact and a small world might I add. He told me to vow to never say that I met him at the Salvation Army; and I do keep that vow and will not disclose his name.
After our outing to the thrift store he invited me to Subway to split a one foot sub with him. He said he wanted to see me later and I invited him to swim in our apartment pool. He walked me to my car and picked me up and twirled me around. Did I mention he was a giant? He must've been some six or ten foot something.
Well later he did arrive to swim in our pool, and as always I invited my roomate because I was terrified by these strange strangers I meet. However unfortunately the apartment mexican families had claimed the pool first so he offered to take us to another pool at a different complex. Ofcourse he didn't live there, but he said he used to know someone who lived there and it would be fine. That was lovely because when we arrived at the pool the property manager sitting next to us in the hot tub didn't seem to appreciate the intruders... That cut our swimming excursion short so Shrek mentioned that we should watch a movie at my apartment. Well this didn't surprise me because movie nights with boys in my apartment was becoming quite common.
He said he needed a pizza, so we went to Walmart and I loaded one in the cart. Then he laughed and said he eats an entire pizza on his own and that we best get two. Shrek would call my roomate and I softys and tell us to do push-ups on the floor..
I also felt like I was being sexually violated everytime he came over. He didn't seem to take no for an answer. However, I'd tell him no anyways and tell my roommate to phone the police if she were to hear a scream from my bedroom.
This boy had a useless phone, I could never call it, never text it because he never had minutes on his metro pcs plan. One day he called to alert me that he had added five dollars to his account... Yet for some reason I'd still see this cheap ass.
One time when he was particularily hungry he brought a pizza to my apartment... and wanted another movie night. But I told him I wanted him to take me to the bridge in Folsom he had mentioned. So he agreed and hesitantly he took me there. I loved the bridge! We made paper airplanes and threw them off the bridge.. well it was exciting to me. We also watched some teenagers throw a tire off the bridge.. I thought it was horribly dangerous; however I still watched because my curiousity had the best of me. I
tried to look past his cheapness, because I was coming to accept every boy in the world is just as cheap as the next. I focused my attention on his sexy Russian accent and well built body. However one day he told me he was going on a trip to visit one of his family members in Washington who was getting married. He asked to borrow a suitcase.. since fortunately for him I had a little collection growing..Trying to ignore his odd request I did lend him a suitcase, not the thrift store ones; since at this time I had two vintage ones because I was preparing to go on a vacation with my roommate to Santa Cruz. We wanted to have matching suitcases.. so instead I gave him a non-thrift store suitcase that I had intended to use on my future trip to Russia. I didn't think much of it since he was going to be returning in about three days. So he packed up his things and off he went to Washington!
I didn't hear anything from him for some time.. and one afternoon while I was taking some pictures with my roommate on the coast of Santa Cruz I recieved a call.. I answered the phone and to my surprise it was Shrek! He was calling to tell me he wouldn't be returning for some time... probably not for the entire summer! The first thing that came to mind was that he had run away and stole my suitcase! Frustrated I said ok and hung up the phone.
By the time he returned, surprisingly a few weeks later I was already seeing someone new, and was spending the day cleaning the apartment.. and at once I heard a knock at the door! Without any calls or anything suitcase stealer was at my doorstep with my suitcase and a box of chocolate.
Ofcourse I appreciated the sweet gesture, but I didn't appreciate that he showed up uninvited and wanting to violate me once again. He asked me if I had any plans for the day, really I didn't but never the less I told him I was going to do errands. And that was that, the last I heard of Suitcase stealer. Well until I saw him randomly at the gas station and ducked so that he would not see me....
Photographs of the Suitcase Stealer:
Tat Dude:
Next playing the dating game came Tat dude. I decided one night to get my belly button pierced, and drove around the Heights and Sacramento aimlessly in search of a Tatoo parlor that would right away pierce with a rhinestone rather than just a bar. I finally found one in Citrus Heights and as I nervoussly walked into the parlor I passed a boy smoking outside the building. We exchanged a couple words and then I continued into the parlor to get things done.
About ten minutes or so later I again walked past him on the way back to my car. He asked me if it was my first time getting a belly button piercing and if I had any tatoos. We exchanged some bad conversation, as he described his tats and said he was waiting for his friend who was getting one done as we spoke. He mentioned he liked my Audi and also mentioned that he didn't have a car or a job... then he asked for my number...
I thought what did I have to loose.. if anything he could add an interesting perspective to my dating experiences. He had a nice smile and a nice body.. perhaps it'd be fun for once to date a bad boy. He wrote my number on his hand.. however, at this point I didn't realize it was because he didn't have a phone either..
A couple days later he arranged to visit my apartment for another movie night.. and ofcourse I wasn't expecting him to be a couple hours late for our movie date. I noticed he would always call me from various phone numbers so I really hadn't a clue what number I should call back at. So I waited.. while at the same time making jokes with my roommate about this new reject.
Finally when he showed up he had acted like he wasn't even late. We watched a movie which was interrupted every fifteen minutes or so for his smoking breaks. He also had mentioned to me he had been to jail for some crime or another involving drug dealing. He mentioned he didn't like to go clubbing downtown because he had been thrown of them.. and finally he mentioned he didn't have a phone because his probation officer wouldn't let him have one...
Photographs of Tat Dude:
All in all I think I have had my share of ridiculous lemons. But perhaps these lemons are just a test to in the future discover the least bitter lemon.
I think when all else fails, when your relationships seem like a bitter lemon factory.. when it seems like all the lemons in the world are just conspiring against you.. you can find laughter to get you through the journey. That's what I tried to do.. and after tossing one lousy lemon after the next.. I found a lemon that seems almost tart.. His name is Fish....
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